What happened to June? I look up and suddenly, it's gone. What makes time disappear? In this case, I'd say it's partly the weather – the cool wetness that's graced us almost continuously this solstice month – and partly it's me. Me and my shift into the new world of which I spoke in the last entry. The new world without my mother. It almost seems like I am existing in and out of suspended animation. One moment I am fine, humming along, and then I remember... and everything. just. stops, becomes strange and blurry and sad. Like that old game we used to play, Red Light-Green Light, running and freezing on command. Except in this version, no one's quite in charge of making me stop and go. It just happens.
They say that grief comes in waves, and I have found this to be true. Waves on an unchartered sea. I feel like I am navigating this strange sea, sailing my ship through foreign waters and a dense fog.
Sometimes the fog clears to show a beautiful sunny sky, sometimes a wild storm of unbridled turbulence. And sometimes, it's just foggy out. Either way, I've never seen this place before; I don't know where I am. I've never been this me, without the anchor of my mother in the world. And that's okay. I realize I am transforming, that transformation takes time. And gratefully, I have other anchors. Love, memories, family, friends, work, my body. It's going to be okay.
I did the New World Cleanse for one week and was happy to find myself grounded back into fresh food and a normal routine around meals. The bad news is I got a little ambitious in the herb garden. I spent four hours pulling out the heavy mounds of weeds that had grown rampant in the incessant rain of the month I was away, down in NY. This weeding frenzy led to my back starting to bother me. (Old issue; comes and goes.) Long story short, the idea of being tied to any kind of "program" for another week - even one I created myself! - while dealing with back pain, etc, felt too restrictive. Hence I decided not to "officially" do a second week on the NWC as originally planned. I say officially because I have kept up with the basic dietary principles – Green Chia Smoothies, raw lunches, plenty of fresh veg juicing - and that all feels so good! Another anchor. Life into life.
Today I am away from home, though, in my mother's chia-free kitchen. So I improvised on the smoothie, rummaging around in the fridge & freezer to come up with something quite tasty sans chia. I call it the Red Light-Green Light Smoothie featuring RED Strawberries, YELLOW Pineapple & Banana and GREEN Spinach. (Traffic light color theme reference intentional.) My inspiration struck after visiting a fun new website that is all about green smoothies - http://www.greensmoothieblog.com - which is an offshoot of another exciting raw site written by a group of healthy superwomen who call themselves The Raw Divas. These gals are sharing some great programs (+ lots of free recipes and articles) right here: www.therawdivas.com. Check 'em out!
Anyway, I can't post a picture of today's spectacular green drink since a) I'm not home and b) my digital camera broke. (Broke on the day of my sons' prom night. Great timing, right?) The sorta good news is that now, I get to buy a new, better camera. (Fellow bloggers: I'd love to hear your suggestions for the ideal little camera to take outstandingly sharp, color-true blogworthy photos - please share your secrets!) So instead of a green smoothie pic, a green moth will have to do. Specifically a Luna Moth, spotted on Friday outside the door of my office at Montague Integrative Health. (Shot taken with camera phone due to aforementioned broken camera situation.) Did you know Luna Moths fly only at night and are born without mouths? Most of their lives are spent in the caterpillar stage. After chrysalis stage, they emerge from their cocoons as this most dreamy-looking, beautiful lime green moth. A moth that only can live for up to seven days (due to the fact that eating - needed to sustain life, as we all know - is impossible without a mouth). These gorgeous creatures emerge, mate and perish. They are truly ephemeral; the Tibetan sand painting of the insect kingdom. Like sand, like my mother, like a butterfly, carried away on a breath of wind...
Red Light-Green Light Smoothie
1 small frozen banana
1 cup frozen strawberries
1 cup fresh pineapple
2 cups baby spinach
2 medjool dates (optional)
big chunk of ginger root
very generous sprinkle of cayenne pepper
1 tsp xtra-virgin olive oil
water to blend - about a cup or maybe more
Notes: Anti-inflammatory cayenne and ginger give this smoothie some kick and a nice joint/back health benefit. Adding a little oil, à la Teri Kerr's Ultimate Detox Diet's famous Breakfast Drink, supports absorption of the fat-soluble lutein in spinach plus enhances texture & satiety factor. (Teri and I wrote The Ultimate Detox Diet, detailing her excellent program, in 2005. To order or learn more, visit www.terikerr.com)
In green light love, Diana ❀