My mother died in the hospital on Wednesday, June 3. Losing her is the saddest thing I’ve known. We were once the same person. And for all our differences there were so many things we had in common, so many ways in which we were perfectly aligned. Always, we loved each other. She was my mother and now she is gone.
What do I do?
Sitting here at my desk again, I contemplate getting back to work. Back to life. And back to health.
My food intake was less than ideal during the past two weeks – the past month really. All those days when Mom was in the ICU, the trips back home and to the City, the aftershock – they took a toll on my body. All routines were banished – yoga, exercise, daily green juice, fresh homemade meals. I did really well considering the situation (the fruit stand was a blessing) but also, I ate things I normally never eat. For instance, I actually ate bread and butter at restaurants. (Three times!) Granted, it was nice, warm crusty bread, but I don’t even LIKE bread, really, not to mention my probable gluten intolerance. But it’s okay. I granted myself permission to do whatever I needed or wanted to do in all those moments, even things I normally believe are not in my “highest” interest. It’s all a balancing act: body, mind and spirit. We can’t always know what’s best. And sometimes, it doesn’t even matter.
My body held on. It shut down somewhat, took on some weight. Now I am back home, and am ready to regroup. So I am starting a cleanse today. I came up with a little program, and I’m going to work it for two weeks; maybe four. Honestly, it looks a lot like my normal diet-lifestyle, but with a bit more scheduling and intention. I think that restarting the routines that anchor me each day will help to keep me sound on all levels as I navigate this new and unfamiliar landscape of existence: the world, minus my mom.
If you'd like a copy of my New World Cleanse, please send an email. I'd love to hear from you and am happy to share.
From my heart, Diana
My beloved mother, Dorothy Allen, City Clerk of New Rochelle
(March 24, 1931 - June 3, 2009) On the beach, Cape Cod, 2005